MetanoiaMadness

Sitting at my desk, watching the night sky give into the daylight and I had a thought.

I’ve been remapping the neural pathways in my brain.. or more simply said, I’ve been changing my thought patterns. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it really means to grow into the next version of myself.

This week, I had an opportunity that I “lost.”

And I won’t lie; I went through the entire spectrum of emotions after the decision was made. The pain. The shame. The shock. But the emotion I’ve landed on is peace.

Not because I have all the answers, but because through countless seasons that mirrored this very one, I’ve built something deeper than certainty.. I’ve built self-trust. The kind that’s been refined in fire. The kind that doesn’t shrink or run when things don’t unfold the way I thought they would.

I’ve learned that sometimes the path just takes longer than I first envisioned. But I also know that whatever comes my way, I can see it through.. because I’ve learned to dance in the rain. I’ve learned to transmute. And maybe most importantly, I’ve learned to trust the timing of my life.

Everything I’ve ever lost, in hindsight, wasn’t really a loss at all. Every detour has either been a redirection toward alignment or a mirror reflecting something I needed to see.. something in me that was ready to evolve.

When I look at my current “loss” from that lens, I can see it more clearly. This opportunity, as incredible as it seemed on the surface, had an undercurrent that required me to stay tethered to an older version of myself.. a version that I’m gently dissolving.

And I love that version of me. He was bold, creative, hungry, and resilient. He’s the one who got me here; to this reality where I got to be the artist making his way in the big city. But he can’t go where I’m headed.

So when life brings opportunities that echo that old frequency, I’ve learned to pause and honor him.. to thank him for the drive and the vision.. and then to release him so I can move toward what’s next.

Because maybe the point was never to hold on, but to integrate. To carry the best of who I’ve been into the becoming of who I’m meant to be.

And if that’s what loss really is … a sacred exchange between the past and the future.. then maybe it was never loss at all.

— Nicholas

Metanoia Madness